I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
