Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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