he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
