we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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