i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
