My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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