I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize