ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize