I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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