Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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