Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
