I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
