Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
