I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
