So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
