i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
