In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize