Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
