Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize