i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
