3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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