The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
