I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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