I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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