Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
