Don't you send me to vm
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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