Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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