Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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