I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
