I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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