I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
