What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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