Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
