i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
