You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize