I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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