I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
