Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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