Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
