its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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