Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
