I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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