evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
