I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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