So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize