do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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