when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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