So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
