pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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