I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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