Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
