the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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