I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
