I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
