GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
