ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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