he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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