How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
