We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
