Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
