I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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