I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
