What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
