Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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