Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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