Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
