love makes seman taste better
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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