Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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