The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just google imaged poop.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
