i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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