I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
