Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize