Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
