OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
