your parents love me but you hate me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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