Your face is a jimmy john
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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