D3 body, D1 cock
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
that is very illegal...i love you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
