Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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