I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
