it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize