I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
