Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
