It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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