I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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