NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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