do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
