Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We smell like vodka and hangover
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
