Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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