it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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