I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
