My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
