guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
