she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
