They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
