i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
