I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
