I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
