You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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