Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
