If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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