And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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